Jan. 26th, 2011

azurai11: (Default)
I don't even know what to post, because... I don't know, but I don't know. Agh. Also in the course of roughly an hour and a half tonight I went from being happy to really sad to shutting everyone out to being pissed to being sad to being pissed and then to being between pissed and sad/lonely, and then to feeling pretty good actually, which is where I am right now. there was some kind of reasoning behind my feelings, so I'm not overly worried about the rapid nature of my mood changes, particularly as it wasn't disorienting or painfully rapid switching. Even so, it's interesting. It really is true that out of all of my friends I am the most emotionally unstable. *sigh* Whatever, so long as I don't wind up rapid swinging *ie sobbing one minute, laughing hysterically the next* I don't mind that much. I mean I do, because... those emotions suck, and they're really confusing when they're happening, but... if I had my choice of rapid or relatively reasonable tempo, I bet you can guess which one I would choose.
azurai11: (Default)
I kind of just want to magically become one of those GIFs wandering around on the internet of stick figures and other people representers barfing up rainbows, except the only reason I would be barfing up rainbows right now is that all of the color feels like it's drained out of me and I've always seen those GIFs as semi-happy things...
At this point, I have no further doubts. I'm in the middle of a depressive swing, which explains the not-normal-enough-to-be-normal rapid mood shifts and wanting to cry at random and being this tired and feeling this useless and unhappy DESPITE the fact that I'm doing fairly well as far as life goes *ie getting homework done and turned in on time, keeping my room clean, etc*, which usually things NOT going that way is the primary contributor to my depressive periods, so... this is new, a bit.

There is one particular thing that I can tell is a huge factor in the misery that I drop into as soon as I finish being productive, but I don't want to talk about it yet because then it will be real and will get out of the control I exercise over it by keeping it secret.

And now I'm going to go to bed. because I feel utterly exhausted.

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