azurai11: (Default)
[personal profile] azurai11
I don't know, I just feel like posting, so, :P

A few nights ago I had really bad mood swing-ish thing going on. Was incredibly enraged at pretty much everything, and then as I came down from that I was just... painfully depressed. To the point where it was like I really just couldn't see the point in staying alive long enough for it to get better, even though I knew, logically, that it was just a short swing and would be over within a day or so. I wasn't in any danger of suicide because, well, I was at home and... I wouldn't kill myself at home- but also because I didn't see the point of killing myself. I don't want to say that I've not been seriously suicidal in years, because that implies that I've been, I don't even know, frivolously suicidal, but I haven't actually really seriously thought about killing myself since the eighth grade, at which point I was really, really serious about the desire to kill myself. So it's not that when I feel suicidal now it's just kind of like, tra-la-la, want to die, it's just that I decided a long time ago never to kill myself because you can't take that back. and it hurts everyone around you, and that was never what I wanted. does that make sense?

I don't even know. I'm not in one of those... suicidal moods, for lack of a better way of putting it, right now, but here I am talking about it and that's random.

I'm going to stop that now. In other news I'm actually really pretty happy right now.
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azurai11

September 2013

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